so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
