We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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