So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
