how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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