He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
