She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
