covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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