I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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