Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
