I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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