the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
