Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
