my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
