Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
