I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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