we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
