how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Threesome in a minivan. New low
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
