i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
