Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Randomize
