..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
