This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
