I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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