Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
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