My sheets look like a crime scene.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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