I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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