did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
