Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
