well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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