i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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