I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
