My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
