How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Congratulations! We have a period
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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