I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
