Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
