to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I think i got beer on your cat.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
