Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
