I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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