May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
