everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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