I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
two words: eviction party
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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