You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
