Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
