i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
