Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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