pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
