I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
