You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
