Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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