Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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