I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
