last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
