after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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