mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
